The Dark Side of Being a Bad Bit*h

The Dark Side of Being a Bad Bitch

Im pretty sure that I was born a high achiver.

I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t striving to be the best.

I used to think that my desire to be the best came from my need for attention, specifically attention from my parents.

Growing up, although I was the oldest, my sister got most of the attention from my perspecitve.

She was a tiny little…cute little bundle of talent who ate her rice by the grain.

Me... well compared to my sister I was Shrek.

Tall

Thick

Glamazonish

Graceful was the last thing you would use to describe me.

Different... eclectic... marched to the beat of my own drum.

Not easily palatable.

Energetically undeniable.

That was.. that is me.

I was the black sheep.

So although I know I was loved by my parents, it seemed to me that my sister was loved more.

And what does any child do when they want more attention from their parents?

They either lash out and become a menace or they become over achieving attention seekers.

I choose the latter.

I just became like really... really... really good at all the things.

Periodically checking in with my parents to see if they were impressed.

Or if my accomplishments landed me on good enough to be noticed list.

Eventually I stopped giving a fuck what they thought and the game of high achiever became about me consistently outdoing myself.

I created my own rules for success and what it looked like.

I created my own standards and metrics.

I wasn’t out to impress anyone but myself.

I mean most humans are impressed by the most basic shit anyway.

I’m allergic to basic so...

——————

My first meeting with her, you know... Bad Bitch, was when I was about 9 years old.

I was pageant girl, no surprise, and I was competing in one of my first major pageants.

I won Ms. Grand Supreme Photogenic, which was a huge deal seeing as I was competing against hundreds of of girls and I was the only African American child.

That came with a big trophy and $1000 cash prize.

My parents and my family were so proud of me.

Me, one the other hand, I cried for days!!

Ms. Photogenic great.

$1000 whatever.

It wasn’t good enough.

Nobody remembers second place

I wanted it ALL!

——————

In high school I was voted best smile ( obviously 😜) and most likely to succeed.

And succeed I did.

Sports

Music

Academics

Theater

Volunteerism

Business

I also won the most scholarships out of anyone in my entire class!

My motivation did not come from an outside source.

Not my parents.

Not my friends.

Not my mentors.

Everyone thought I did too much.

I wanted too much.

I was putting too much on my plate.

I never cared what they thought.

It was my own inner drive...

My inner Bad Bitch who ran the show and she was insatiable.

——————

Anyone who has dealt with or currently deals with their own inner Bad Bitch understands that she is brilliant and responsible for your ability to do the impossible.

My inner Bad Bitch has gotten me so far in my life, in my business and we are just getting started.

But you also know the other side of her.

The side you don’t talk about much.

The side no one else understands

The dark side.

She is grueling.

Meticulous

Never satisfied

Competitive

Unhinged

Obsessive

Isolating

There is difference between the person who wants to lose 15 lbs and the person who will never be thin enough.

Your Bad Bitch is the chic that will never be thin enough and that can lead to some very destructive behavior if left unchecked.

(Ask me how I know?!?! )

No matter how good I was...

How great I was...

How impossible the task I achieved was...

I couldn’t relax.

I couldn’t celebrate.

It wasn’t worth celebrating.

I had to do more... have more... be more!

Nothing was ever good enough.

And when you work so hard to create such a beautiful life, but your mind won’t let you enjoy it, it can be a very sad place.

From the outside looking in, you have everything ones heart could desire.

Success

Money

Love

Freedom

Happiness

Family

You have a life that most couldn’t even dream of.

Except, your heart says MORE... NOW!

This is the plight of the high performer... the high achiever.

This is the dark side of being a bad bitch.

And if you thought you were the only one who dealt with this, you’re not.

And if you felt that you had to suffer with this alone, you don’t.

Such a champagne problem right?!?!

You’re the best and want to be even better than that, constantly.

Most would say...Boohoo... play me a tiny violin.

I say:

I see you

I understand you

I am you

And if you desire support from someone who has learned to work with and get the best out of her Inner Bad Bitch instead of being controlled by her, then I invite you to PM me gorgeous.

You can’t earn your enoughness or worthiness dahhhling.

You were already born enough.

Remember that.

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